Wheeew...what a tiring day it has been, but the thing is I didn't even have a single class today...haha. Woke up today and went to Mid-Valley with Angel and Chie Yi to catch a movie since classes were cancle due to some stupid event in Bukit Jalil. Obviously I woudn't waste my time going there...haha. So we watched Sweeney Todd. Real awesome movie and highly recomended. I give it a 9.5/10 rating. Its kinda goory so parental advice is recomended for those kids who wanna watch. Its about this person Sweeney Todd (Johnny Depp) who is a really skilled barber going out for revenge after being wrongly charged by a corrupted judge just to get his wife. Its part musical so for those who don't appericiate singing will just sleep during the show...haha.

Came back to hostel at about 3.30pm, changed and went to college to collect results!!! Arrived at college and was told that class was cancle...haha. Anyway taking my results totaly freaked me out. To make things worse when the names were read out my name wasn't there and for those whoes names weren't read out achieved a CGPA of 2.5 and lower. So at that point to add to my anxiousness I was really freaked out. I went straight to my lecturer and asked for my results so he went to the admin person and talked to him in tamil which obviously I don't understand. In the end I followed the admin person back to his office to check my results and wonder where was my slip. While the person was checking for my results I was trying to think how to explain to my dad that I got a CGPA less then 2.5. I would surely be dead by then.

So after he found my results he proceeded to search the stack of slips but he can't find it!! I was even more scared at that time. My palms were sweating so much and was at the brink of shaking...haha. Finally, he printed my slip on the spot citing that they lost my slip. So atleast a relief there that I got my slip so I should do ok. Was still trembling as I opend the slip. So finally...............................I got 4 As and 3 Bs with a CGPA of 3.63!!!! I was like wah!!!!! Can'tbelieve I did so well last semester even through all the crap that I've gone through. Praise the Lord!!!

Hrmmm...things so far have been going on well I guess. Everything but my dear guitar. She's been faithfully serving me for the pass 7 years and she's starting to get cranky. So far she's been through 2 major operations which is the bridge replacement and new pick-ups. Its been quite sometime since it has a face lift but I do suspect its her insides that is giving the problem. Its her major vocal chords that are getting a little on the rough side. Quite hard to get the correct pitch tuning now days and its quite frustrating. Her pick-ups are quite wierd now also when she's plugged in she sounds like a banjo...haha.

Of course it will be hard to let her go but she won't be gone. She'll just take a back seat away from the public eye and just private playings. Anyway all good things must come to an end. She has brought me so far in my guitar playing and maybe she's also tired of performing...haha. So guess a new one is needed. I'll be turning 21 this year, so...hehehehe...*hint* *hint* :p. I do need/want a new guitar. This one has served me well but for public use a new one is needed. Been looking at a few listed below...hehe.

Ibanez AEF18E / Ibanez AEG10E

Ibanez AW10ECE / Ibanez AW800ECE

PS...top 2 would b prefered..hehe (AEF/AEG)

Alright...think I really have to blog now. Too many things has been going through my head and I can't keep in there forever. Been reading through all my previous posts lately and I noticed alot of changes in myself, togheter with my life in general. So many changes until I sometimes don't even recognize myself now. Its really hard to wrestle with my thoughts every night before I fall asleep. On the outside when people look at me they would think that I've changed for the better but deep inside this change is bringing me alot of sadness and pain. There's just too many things going on which can't be explained by words but only by tears.

How much would I love to get my old life back. Ever since I came back to KL to study my whole life just turned 180 degrees. Everything is upside down now, things that I wanted to finally avoid is here. Life in UCSI was so much more meaningful and joyful each day and I can just be myself. Coming here is really like being in hell on earth. Everything is just screwed up and sucks. i don't really know how to put this in words but even to the extend of friendships I'm also quite unsure. I used to be easily adapted to the enviroment but this one I would really love to get out of it. I just can't get use to the culture and thinking of the people here. Its like I really don't fit in here. Its really total opposite of those from UCSI. Damn I miss UCSI...but now to go back there would just bring so many memories that hurt. I know there are people out there who truely care for me but there are some people I do feel like they are just using me for thier benefits. Behind their care and smiles there is a hidden agenda and after they have it they just leave until the need is there again.

Everyday now is just like I'm living a lie, living a life for God but the physical aspect is suffering like mad. How nice if we could just be like a computer in a way. Save the merories that we want in an external hard-drive while we reformat our life and put back only the things we want. Each day I go to college is like putting on a mask so that people do see that I seem ok. Guess this is just my curse. I really don't like to burden people with my burdens and I do try my best to pelease everyone and I'm too generous not only with money. Seems like its really my gift and curse. Its nice to help people out, to make them feel accepted and loved but deep down I'm just slowly cracking up. How can I expect other people to understand me when I can't even understand myself?

So at this point in my life, I'm indeed very confused. Confused about myself, about my life here and about my relationship. I never knew I can be so patient with things, even to things that break me down and bring me to tears. Where in the world did I get this patience from? Where is it coming from? I really don't know how long this could last. I'm just scared one fine day I would explode and all hell break loose again. I really don't know how to slove this but for now crying myself to sleep works to a certian extent. Haiz...

Arloe arloe...its been some time since I've last blog. Havent really had the time and mood to blog. Anyway went and watch Game-plan today with Tasha and Nina. Really great movie, recomended!

Anyway this there is a thought going on in my head recently. Ever wonder how arguments and disagreements in a relationship weather between friends, family, spouses or dating couples could make them or break them? Interestingly arguments are the building blocks of a relationship and also can be the bull-dozer of the relationship. Everyday we are faced with problems. Problems at work, at school and at home but its how we work out this arguments and problems that will bring either one of the reuslts. Indeed our life is all about solving problems. A couple who works out thier disagreements would learn much from it and grow closer to each other and bring the relationship to a higher level but when not sorted out the disagreement will break the relationship in a matter of minutes or even seconds. All in all, everything is a learning experience and put there by God to help us in our life.

Christian life is never easy. We always think that once we put our trust in God then all our problems will go away. God would purposely put tests in our life to test us and to help us learn from it. Through this tests we will grow stronger in faith in Him or we would fall along the way but God will still always welcome back those who fall along the way if they come back to Him. We would not know God's power until we're at our lowest point of our life and lay down everything before Him. Trust me, I learned this first hand.

So looking forward for the year 2008 and beyond. I would not try to look too far away as there are issues that are not cleared yet but I would take each day as a blessing that God has granted me a second chance. He could have turned His back on me like how I did to Him but He guided me and waited patiently for me to slowly surrender and come back to Him. I like to take the picture of the sower but with a little twist to it. I was like the seed that fell on the rocky ground when I depended just on experiences and good blessings from God to grow and my roots were shallow. As the tough times came, I was blown around in the wind and malnurished but God in His grace and mercy dug me up and re-planted me on the good soil to give me another shot at life, life in Him. I do thank God for everything that has happend in my life for everything happends for a reason and its in His control.

Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us. Lookin unto Jesus that author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of G0d. For consider Him that endured such contradiction of sinners against Himself, least ye be wearied and faint in yout mind. Hewbrews 12:1-3

Had my 1st day of year 2 today. Went to college for 8 hours but had 2 hours of classes only. Wasted my time going today and I'm actually still on holiday mood...hehe. Guess it takes awhile to get back to studying and classes. Yeap...so that was my day, totaly wasted my whole freaking day going to college.

Alright, enough of that. So its the new year and to look forward I have to look back first on the lessons that I've learnt. Indeed the pass year has tought me alot of lessons. The most important of all is to not blame God when situiations go wrong. God is all powerful and He is God. He has the power to give us things and also the power and authority to take it away. So that's just a simple yet hard lesson that I've learnt. He gives and takes things away from us for our own good.

Have a great new year!!

HAPPY 2008!!! So the new year has finally come. Looking back it just seems so interesting on how a year of crap could turn out to be something that teaches me.

Last year's church camp was one that I concentrated in alot. It was on the subject of bearing fruits where Christ is the vine and we are the branches and how the branches are pruned in order to bring forth much fruit. After the camp I told myself that I would go all for God and I guess God did prune me in order to bear more fruits. I didn't expect what was to come and of course pruning hurts for it is cutting away part of the outer layer of the branch. In that 'cutting' it really hurt because He took away a very big part of me. God indeed has a true plan for me so guess that part was not part of the plan.

I'm not saying that I'm totaly over that but I'm more or less over it. It still do hurt alot when the memories appear around but to look back I do see God's pressence in my tough times and I'm very thankfull for that. I don't know the future, I don't know what will happend but all I know is my future is in His hands and He's walking by my side one day at a time. Praise the Lord!!!

Great is Thy faithfulness,
O God my Father;
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not;
As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be.

Great is Thy faithfulness!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

Summer and winter and springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon and stars in their courses above
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!