Finally my blog has reached 100 posts and now its the 101th post. Been reading through my pass posts lately. Really makes me wonder how I got through the pass year. Yes the memories are still there and it still hurts. Will be having my final exams next week and my 1st year in Masterskill will come to an end in 3 weeks. So many things has happend and so much that I've gone through. Still not really enjoying myself here and still feeling confused. It will also be a new month tomorrow...what will the rest of the year bring? Just got to know this song, its sort of like God was talking to me when I first heard this song and read the lyrics.

DISCIPLE - AFTER THE WORLD

You break the glass, try to hide your face
Recorded lines that just will not erase
And buried in your loss of innocence
You wonder if you'll find it again

Was I there for the worst of all your pain?
And was I there when your blue sky ran away?
Was I there when the rains were flooding you?
I hope you feel those were My tears falling down for you, falling down for you

I'm the One that you've been looking for
I'm the One that you've been waiting for
I've had My eyes on you ever since you were born
I will love you after the rain falls down
I will love you after the sun goes out
I'll have My eyes on you after the world is no more

Did I arrange the light of your first day?
Did I create the rhythm your heart makes?
Could you believe when your candle starts to fade?
I want to be the One that you believe
Could take it all away, take your heart away

Isn't My life a clear sign since I have crossed over this chasm
To fill the space between Me and you?
And I will do it all over again
Just look for Me, just wait for Me

I just have to post this to follow up on my previous post. Just find it so damn interesting why do we go through so much pain just for love but its just so true.

1. Girl's always smell good even if it is just shampoo
2. The way their head always finds the right spot on our shoulders
3. How cute they look when they sleep
4. The ease in which they fit into our arms
5 . The way they kiss you and all of sudden everything in the world is right
6. How cute they are when they eat
7. The way it takes them hours to get dressed but in the end it's all worthwhile
8. Because they are always warm even if it's -30 outside
9. They look good no matter what they wear
10. The way they fish for compliments even though you both know that you think she's the most beautiful girl on earth
11. How cute they are when they argue
12. The way her hand always finds yours
13 . The way they smile
14. The way you feel after you see her name on your cell after you just had a big fight
15. The way they say "lets not fight anymore"- even though you know that an hour later...
16. The way they kiss you after a fight
17 . The way they kiss you after you say "i love you"
18. Actually..The way they kiss you...
19. The way they fall into your arms when they cry
20. They way they apologize after crying over something that silly
21. The way they hit you and expect it to hurt *i think every girl is guiltyof this! :)
22. Then the way they apologize when it does hurt (even though we don't admit it)
23. The way they say "i miss you"
24. The way you miss them
25. The way their tears make you want to change the world so it doesn't hurt her anymore.

Yet regardless if you love them, hatet hem, wish they would die or know that you would die without them, it matters not! Because once in your life,whatever they are to the world, they become everything to you. When you look them in the eyes, travel the depths of their souls and say a million things without trace of sound, you know that your own life is inevitable consumed within the rhythmic beats of her very heart. We love them for a million reasons, no paper do it justice. It is a thing of not the mind but the heart.

Is it just me? Is it just that I don't feel like I belong here and fit in here? I always thought that I could adapt to different enviroments but this time just seems too much for me. I just feel so caged and surrounded by barries here. The thinking of people is too freaking conservative and the lifestyle is so damn inactive. Its just not my style!!! I'm not conservative, not chinese enough and especially not asian enough to be here.

Maybe its also just that I'm born in the year of the rabbit that I really show its characteristics. The constant need for freedom to express myself and the need for a companion. Just take a rabbit for a pet, it indeed needs a companion if not it won't surivive for very long. Even if its partner dies it will commit suicide due to the lost of a companion. Being single is so much tougher then I imagined. There's like nobody to share my true feelings anytime I want. Its like everybody just have thier own lives to lead. Sometimes I even wonder why do I care so much about other people's problems but unable to share or express my own. I can advice people in relationships but I seem like a failure myself as I can't even help myself. I really don't feel like myself and don't like the me that seems like I'm changing to be. People do say that I'm changing for the better but it seems like more and more torture for me.

If love is painful, and torture us. So, why do we love? Why is it all we search for in life? This pain, this agony? Why is it all we long for? This torture, this powerful death of self? Why? It is such an addictive thing that even people who are not having it wish to experience it and share it with others as well.

Love hurts our feeling, but it's also the reason that heals our soul...somehow I would love to echo this statement with all conviction...

STACIE ORRICO - MORE TO LIFE

I've got it all, but I feel so deprived
I go up, I come down and I'm emptier inside
Tell me what is this thing that I feel like I'm missing
And why can't I let it go

There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Trippin' out thinkin' there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure...
There's gotta be more

I've got the time and I'm wasting it slowly
Here in this moment I'm half-way out the door
Onto the next thing,
I'm searching for something that's missing

I'm always waiting on something other than this
Why am I feelin' like there's something I missed....
Always... Always...

Easter is tommorrow and instead of the usual easter story, this easter will be a time of reflection for me. It has been a tiring week and it will b more in the comming weeks but somehow there is this battle raging in my mind again. CF easter rally on Tuesday was awesome and indeed my life is re-writable but it would take alot of pain and effort. So this easter and for the comming weeks this are the few points that I hope will bring me to some answers as I reflect.

1. Sometimes, God breaks our spirit to save our soul.

2. Sometimes, God breaks our heart to make us whole.

3. Sometimes, God sends us pain so we can be stronger.

4. Sometimes, God sends us failure so we can be humble.

5. Sometimes, God sends us illness so we can take better care of ourselves.

6. Sometimes, God takes "EVERYTHING" away from us so we can learn the value of "EVERYTHING" we have.

Casting Crowns - Who Am I

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling Lord,
You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

Jeremy Camp - Walk By Faith

Would I believe you when you would say
Your hand will guide my every way
Will I receive the words You say
Every moment of every day

Well I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see
Well because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me

Help me to win my endless fears
You've been so faithful for all my years
With one breath You make me new
Your grace covers all I do

Well I'm broken- but I still see Your face
Well You've spoken- pouring Your words of grace

O-TOWN - NOTHING AT ALL

I know when he's been on your mind
That distant look is in your eyes
I thought with time you'd realized
It's over, over
It's not the way I choose to live
And something, somewheres got to give
As sharing this relationship gets older, older
You know I'd fight for you
But how can I fight someone who isn't even there
I've had the rest of you
Now I want the best of you
I don't care if that's not fair

Cause I want it all
Or nothing at all
There's nowhere left to fall
When youve reached the bottom
It's now or never
Is it all
Or are we just friends
Is this how it ends
With a simple telephone call
You leave me here with nothing at all

There are times it seems to me
I'm sharing you in memories
I feel it in my heart
But I don't show it, show it
Then there's times you look at me
As though I'm all that you can see
Those times I don't believe it's right
I know it, know it
Don't make me promises
Baby you never did know how to keep them well
I've had the rest of you
Now I want the best of you
It's time to show and tell

Cause you and I
Could lose it all if you've
Got no more room
No room inside for me in your life

Waking up to see a new dawn in the history of Malaysia. Finally true democracy has arrived, or maybe just for the moment but obviously we could see the rakyat were not voting for candidates but just against BN. Today we will witness 4 new Chief Ministers in 4 states that the opposition won over from BN. Where would Malaysia go from here? Where would BN go from here? Where would Pak Lah go from here?

I think its time for Pak Lah to stand up and really be a PM and not just a smiley friendly guy. The honeymoon period has long gone and its time to step-up and speak-up rather then just giving text book answers. We wouldn't want the repeat of silence over controversial issues that disturbs racial harmony such as the keris waving and kissing event by the Education Minister. Of all people he should be educated enough to not produce such action to anger the rakyat and most of all the other component parties of BN. This just shows how UMNO wants to dictate the movement of the party and the nation. Policies from the party can just become policies of the nation. Its all just about protecting their rights and being in their comfortable life. Even the malays don't trust UMNO as it is show by BN losing the state of Kedah in the 12th General Elections.

Obviously the benifits for the malays don't seem to work but to make them more lazy. We Malaysians have been so pamperd by the government with the subsidy for petrol and medical treatment. Where in the world can we find an almost developed country having out-patient treatment for only RM1? Benifits in education is also prioritize to the malays. Malays with lower qualification can easliy get into public universities while non-malays have to work their butt off to get exeptional results to get the course they want. Indeed its more of achieving the quota then picking people with the right qualifications. Interestingly this reflects greatly on the education minister who with his radical malay views lead this country in education. Guess the future does looks really gloom if this trend continues. UMNO is getting worse by the days and its still trying to get a stronger grip on the nation. UMNO was formed as a radical malay party to counter the British and it still is after 50 years. We are Malaysia, we are called Malaysians, we should be equal in every rights. Even if there should be benifits it should got to the real bumiputeras who are the orang aslis and not the malays.

Finally, I echo the call of Datuk M. Kayveas to dissovle all component parties and form a one party that caters to the needs of every race and religion. Obviously UNMO will oppose this for their rights will be loss, so the other component parties in BM should just leave UMNO alone and form a new party which can lead Malaysia who is populated my Malaysians with equal rights. We are Malaysians, it is time to stand up for all Malaysians rather then just our own ethnic groups.

"Shocking Election Results", "BN Forms Federal Government By Simple Majority", "Barisan Routed". Just a few titles I came across as I went through the election news today. Its was indeed worth staying up late last night to watch the results comming in which was much more interesting then a Champions League Final. I did learn a new term also, "Political Tsunami". This is so true from what is happening since 1999. A tsunami happends when a storm arises but before it actually hits the condition will be calm. As we seen in the 1999 elections, opposition parties such as PKR and PAS made thier pressence known with interesting victories but when 2004 came around BN once again humilliated thier opponents by a landslide victory taking Terengganu which was a PAS stronghold and Kota Melaka which was a DAP stronghold.

The seas where getting rougher for the pass 2 years leading up to the 12th general election and last night the tsunami finally strucked leaving little survivors. PAS incresed its grip on Kelantan, DAP routed Gerakan to claim Penang, and Perak, Selangor and Kedah also fell into oppostion hands. Top ministers such as Tan Sri Dr Koh Tsu Koon, Datuk Seri S. Samy Vellu and Datuk Seri Shahizat Abdul Jalil to name a few lost to opposition who are counted as freshies in the political circle. Even if BN retained Terengganu it was with a really big price. So what could be the cause of BN's routing by the opposition? Is the rakyat honestly voting for the opposition or are they purposely giving BN a run for thier money? Obviously someone with a logical mind would not vote for PAS after its ridiculous menifesto was presented.

Indeed this is a strong wake up call for the leaders in BN who are so arrogant in thier way and over-confident. Simply approving projects to 3rd grade contractors, simply wasting money on projects and of course who could forget the over-looking of Datuk Zakaria's 'Palace' in Klang which is built on land which is not approved. Isn't the land suppose to be approved by the government before work can be started? Obviously we can see here that leaders in BN are only protecting thier postions by abuse of power. Giving building projects to 3rd rate contractors who are affliated with them when there are better contractors who bid for the job, giving top positions in large companies and institutions to thier relatives, and so many more to mention. There are also cases where ministers are over-staying thier welcome in the governmet such as a certian Datuk Seri S. Samy Vellu. 30 years has he held on to the post and it is indeed time for new blood to take over. Many years ago there was call for him so step down graciouly and now he had to face it the hard way.

Increasing crime rate and increasing cost of living was the main issues to face this election. BN has indeed done alot for the rakyat in the pass 50 years. Billions of Ringits no doubt just for our petrol subsidy and I do thank them for it. As the country advance, the cost of living will also increase. This is a fact and the rakyat has to face it. We can't just keep living in the pass where we can get a decent meal for just RM3. Times has change and I'm sure the government is doing all they can in this area. So the mind-set of the rakyat also plays a very big role in the routing for BN. Its time to get the kampung times out of our mind and look to the future if not then Wawasan 2020 will just be a dream that we will never achieve. Just imagine if PAS took over the country with its ridiculous menifesto. We will go back to ancient times and probably be the worse nation in Asian or even the region. So look to the future rather then complaining about the raising cost of living. The cost of living wouldn't fall if we want to be a developed country and compete internationally.

Looking back to the routing last night, I strongly believe that BN has to start changing its setup. Its 'Power-sharing' thingy don't work anymore. We are a multi-racial country, we are Malaysians and not just our ethnic groupes. BN needs to understand this if it wants to continue running this country. Even if the name Barisan National stands for everyone it's still very racist with all the different parties only catering to thier own races. Even now BN should just re-name itself to BN-UMNO for it has always been UMNO dictating the running of the party. 50 years has passed since our independence compared to our counterparts down south (Singapore) who gained independence 44 years ago. Where do we stand in the global economy and where do they stand? The only conclusion that can be gained is the leaders and thier quality. It is time for Malaysia to really have quality leaders rather then people appointed leaders due to the quantity of the rakyat. Imagine a huge untrained army going against a well trained army which is only 40% of its opposition size. Obviously size wounldn't matter in this case for the more qualified will triumph over the unqualified.

My suggestion for BN is to dissolve all parties and come together as a real multi-racial party and really put qualified people up there rather then through popularity votes. If the leaders themselves can't intergrate with one another how can they expect the rakyat to do the same? Of course it will be tough but with the current setup and leadership its hard to look to the future of my beloved nation with optimistic. Currently BN is the best party to lead the country but time will take its toll if something is not done. We can't just hope for the other parties to come out with ridiculous menifestos because even with it people are still voting for them. Indeed I will continue to support the current government but there will be things that has to be changed.

Ronan Keating and Leann Rimes - Last Thing On My Mind

Four O'Clock in the morning
My minds filled with a thousand thoughts of you
And how you left without warning
But looking back I'm sure you tried to talk it through

Now I see it so clearly
We're together but living separate lives
So I wanna tell you I'm sorry
Baby I can't find the words
But if I could, then you know I would
Yeah

No I won't let go, know what we can be
I won't watch my life crashing down on me
Guess I had it all right there before my eyes, yeah
Girl, I'm sorry now, you were the last thing on my mind

You carried me like a river
How far we've come still surprises me
And now I look in the mirror (look in the mirror)
Staring back is a man I used to be, with you
How I long for you, yeah

Ever wonder how love can be so great at first but it mellows after awhile when 2 people get to know each other more? Where at one moment you're at the top of the world and the next it just seems like hell. Ever felt like a love could be so real and finally moving towards a better tommorrow but it just crumbles at the next few moments? So close...yet so far...

You’re in my arms
And all the world is calm
The music playing on for only two
So close together
And when I’m with you
So close to feeling alive

A life goes by
Romantic dreams will stop
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you
And now forever I know
All that I wanted to hold you
So close

So close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend
And now you’re beside me and look how far we’ve come
So far we are so close

How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
We’re so close
To reaching that famous happy end
And almost believing this was not pretend
Let’s go on dreaming for we know we are
So close
So close
And still so far