Is it just me? Is it just that I don't feel like I belong here and fit in here? I always thought that I could adapt to different enviroments but this time just seems too much for me. I just feel so caged and surrounded by barries here. The thinking of people is too freaking conservative and the lifestyle is so damn inactive. Its just not my style!!! I'm not conservative, not chinese enough and especially not asian enough to be here.

Maybe its also just that I'm born in the year of the rabbit that I really show its characteristics. The constant need for freedom to express myself and the need for a companion. Just take a rabbit for a pet, it indeed needs a companion if not it won't surivive for very long. Even if its partner dies it will commit suicide due to the lost of a companion. Being single is so much tougher then I imagined. There's like nobody to share my true feelings anytime I want. Its like everybody just have thier own lives to lead. Sometimes I even wonder why do I care so much about other people's problems but unable to share or express my own. I can advice people in relationships but I seem like a failure myself as I can't even help myself. I really don't feel like myself and don't like the me that seems like I'm changing to be. People do say that I'm changing for the better but it seems like more and more torture for me.

If love is painful, and torture us. So, why do we love? Why is it all we search for in life? This pain, this agony? Why is it all we long for? This torture, this powerful death of self? Why? It is such an addictive thing that even people who are not having it wish to experience it and share it with others as well.

Love hurts our feeling, but it's also the reason that heals our soul...somehow I would love to echo this statement with all conviction...

STACIE ORRICO - MORE TO LIFE

I've got it all, but I feel so deprived
I go up, I come down and I'm emptier inside
Tell me what is this thing that I feel like I'm missing
And why can't I let it go

There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Trippin' out thinkin' there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure...
There's gotta be more

I've got the time and I'm wasting it slowly
Here in this moment I'm half-way out the door
Onto the next thing,
I'm searching for something that's missing

I'm always waiting on something other than this
Why am I feelin' like there's something I missed....
Always... Always...