Its 2.30am and I havta wake up early for church but I can't get to sleep. Just too much thoughts going through my mind. What has happend this year, what will happend next year? The future is full of surprises. Would I crash and burn again or would I slowly pick myself up? I just can't look back on this year without tears and with the fear of it happening all again in the comming year. All the memories, all the things that I've gone through is still so fresh in me as if it was just yesterday that it all happend. Its just so hard to look to the new year with optimism. To that person if you're reading this, I just want to let u know that everything that we've gone through, everything that we've done is just like a tattoo imprinted in my heart and mind. It still hurts alot to see you go even if I seem to move on.

The pass year has been such a roller-coaster ride and I just don't seem so come to an end even as the new year looms. I know my blog post has been very emotional and seem like I'm depressed. I'm sorry for those who read my post but its really somewhere where I can release the tension when it just hurts too much to say it out. That also explains why my post is all words and no pictures. All in all I'm thankfull to those who have read my posts and tried to help me through this rough patch I'm going through. I'm not totally out of it yet but I'm trying. So here are just some thoughts for the new year ahead.

When God puts us with people who annoys us, would He give us the patience to get through it or is He giving us the chance to practise patience?

When God puts us in an unlogical situiation that can't be explained with a logical explanation, would He just leave us to work ourselves out or is He giving us the chance to have faith in Him?

When God puts us with another person whom we find interest in, would He give us the love to help us through the relationship or does He give us the chance to express love to the person?

Would God just give us gifts so that we could use it or does God give us the situiations that we could express the gifts that He has given to us to be a good testimony for Him?

The year is comming to an end. 2007 has really been a real roller-coaster ride for me. So many things that has happend that make me wanna turn back time so that I can react to the situations differntly. All in all it wasn't a really good year. A year that started brightly turned out to be a nightmare and I'm still slowly waking up from it. So many memories still linger and its just like a tatoo that can't be removed.

2008 is just over the horizon. What will happend in the new year? Would my life finally fall back to place or would it continue to hang around like a jig-saw puzzle that dosen't fit? This are questions that I just can trust God in no matter what but its really difficult when it hurts so much. How can I then look to the new year with optimism when these memories are still so fresh?

Guess the memories will always be there and all I can do is to hope the new year writes a different story line.

Arloe arloe!!!..Came back from Melbourne, Australia last night. Flight was delayed 2 hours in Melbourne due to heavy rain so reached home at 12 something mid-night. Overall it was a great holiday. So much to see, so much to do and obviously so much so eat!!! Yeap...I kinda put on weight already due to all the good food. Most of all is the salads there. The veggie is just sooo fresh...mmmm...pictures will be up in awhile after they are sort out ya...=)

This holiday also gave me a great opportunity to reflect on the year and myself. To be close to nature and see the wonders of God's hands in creation brought me many interesting thoughts. Maybe that's why sometimes I do get mood swings and get irritable easily because I would be lost in my thoughts. But the truth is sometimes I really don't know what I'm feeling in some situiations. The events of the year still haunts me like a dark cloud above my head following me everywhere waiting so storm on me. There are times where I also lose interest in interacting with people. Guess that event really changed me so much till I don't even know my ownself sometimes.

I know experiences are there to teach us, to give us a greater understanding of things and to grown in maturity. But what if those experiences and memories hold you back from advancing in life? Staring at the end of another year, I do wonder what the new year will bring. Would it be a better one? Would the problems of this year carry through? I do try to have confidence, I do try so have faith but sometimes its just so hard when the results are sour. I really just wonder what the new year will bring. Guess its better to continue to hope and pray.

I SURRENDER ALL

I have wrestled in the darkness of this lonely pilgrim land
Raising strong and mighty fortresses that I alone command
But these castles I've constructed by the strength of my own hand
Are just temporary kingdoms on foundations made of sand

In the middle of the battle I believe I've finally found
I'll never know the thrill of victory 'til I'm willing to lay down
All my weapons of defence and earthly strategies of war
So I'm laying down my arms and running helplessly to Yours

Chorus:
I surrender all my silent hopes and dreams
Though the price to follow costs me everything
I surrender all my human soul desires
If sacrifice requires
That all my kingdoms fall
I surrender all

If the source of my ambition is the treasure I obtain
If I measure my successes on a scale of earthly gain
If the focus of my vision is the status I attain
My accomplishments are worthless and my efforts are in vain

So I lay aside these trophies to pursue a higher crown
And should You choose somehow to use the life I willingly laydown
I surrender all the triumph for it's only by Your grace
I relinquish all the glory, I surrender all the praise

Bridge:
Everything I am, all I've done, and all I've known
Now belongs to You, the life I live is not my own
Just as Abraham laid Isaac on the sacrificial fire
If all I have is all that You desireI surrender all

FINALLY!!! My 1st semester in Masterskill is finally comming to an end. 1 more paper at 5pm later and I would be free after 7.30pm...woohoo!!! Never been so stressed for any exams in my life. Not PMR, not SPM, and not even A-Levels. The papers has been ok. Some easier then I expected and some was a little harder but all in all it was alright. Hope my results will be ok.

The year 2007 is also comming to a close and man what a long and eventfull year it has been. Honestly speaking it won't really be a year that I would like to put down as 1 of the best years of my life but I did learn alot through this year. It has been a tough year but all I can say is that God has been leading me through it step by step. So many things unexpected has happend, so many emotions that I felt in just 1 year. Just thinking of the events would bring me to tears. Tears of regret, tears of guilt, and tears of hurt and grief. I've seen so many friends going into depression but never expected I'll would go through that period also. So the secret of me losing weight was going into depression and doing exercise until can't tahan to release the tension...hehe. Now I know what do they mean when they say the first cut is the deepst. Looking back I would hope that I won't face another year like this. Its scary...=(

Christmas is around the corner. This time last year I would have a christmas wish list but this year I just don't know what to ask for. I'm just very greatfull and thankfull to God for leading me through this year as I'm still alive and kicking and not screwed up. Thankfull also to my family and friends who have supported me through that period because without them I would probably be rather screwed up and trashing my life away now. This christmas would be alot of thanks and not much of wanting anymore but there is still 1 thing I would like to have this christmas...hehe. It's the Sony Cyber-Shot T-100.

Sony Cyber-Shot T-100

Since I don't have a wish list this year, this would be my wish list for next year...hehe. I'll be 21 next year, so...hehehe...

Apple iPhone