Hrmmm...if there is a reason to everything, if God has a plan, then why is there nothing revealed? When you're at your lowest point and breaking down God still keeps silent. I search and search but no answer. held onto promises in His Word, prayed till I broke down and just cry but things just got worse and worse. So what's the point? If His plan is so mysterious, then why should I continue searching? It seems like when I go heaven only He will answer. So what's the point? I'll be like wasting my whole life on shit like it seems like I wasted 4 years of my fucked up life. Guess believing is God is just a passport to heaven. Its just such a waste of time searching and searching when even at your most needed time He seems like screwing you more.

I guess the only promise that we can really hold on to is that our salvation will never be taken away from us no matter what we do. So I really don't see a point in searching and wasting my time. There is also so much more I can do on Sunday mornings like studying, sleeping in, or playing football. I can even watch the last night games on Saturday night. Life will be so much more satisfiying like that rather then searching for something that is so mysterious until after we're dead only we get the answer.