Haiz...so what's the meaning of patience and toleration? How much can a person be patient and tolerate shit? So as 'christians' we're suppose to tolerate and be patient when people screw us up and let people walk over us? Should we turn the other cheek? Why not just let them whack all of us and not just the other cheek?

So all my life I have been being very patient and tolerent of other people's shit for I know my temper is very very bad. I tried to avoid confict, kept my cool, tried not to think about it, and the result I get...people stepping all over me. How great and 'christian-like' is that? After all the tolerance and being patient God just decided to test me more and screwing up my life rather then blessing. *clap clap*

So am I suppose to let people step all over me? It really seems like it though. All through my life from the day I could talk until now it seemed like I'm not suppose to let my temper show and be the 'happy guy' so people can release thier shit on me. Is that what everyone expects from me? So I have to tolerate people's shit but when I show my shit back I get screwed back even more like it was all my fault in the first place. WTF!!! So am I not suppose to have any feelings when people fuck me up? Is that what the Bible teaches? If its the trust then fuck it all!!! There's no point in beliving in it anymore.

Are we not suppose to question God when our life is fucked up? Are we not suppose to blame or be angry at God? Even Job was angry with God. He even cursed the day he was born. Maybe God truely could make mistakes, He made a mistake in my life by even creating me or even along His 'plan' for my life He miss-wrote something. I tried to keep my cool and avoid stupid things this few months because I know I will blow anytime but it seemed like a license for people to fuck me up and play on my nerves. When I'm quiet also wrong, when I speak my mind also wrong, so what the fuck you all want?!?? People might even seem to care at times but another minute seems different. Even the person who understands me the most stabs me in the back for no apperent reason and ingore me. So is this just another 'right thing to do' as you said what ever that we've done. Meaningless....just 'the right thing to do'. Guess I'm just curse for life. God indeed must hate me n cursed me for eternity....*praise the Lord*

You don't know me,
You don't even care.
You don't know me,
You don't wear my chains.