Hrmmm...what is Christianity? What is God? Reality or just an idea like any other religion? If God could give you something you ever wished and prayed for, a miracle, a dream come true but take it away at the moment you need it most, how loving and understanding is this God? He made you feel and think that everything was in His hands, prayers seemed answered, made everything seem so wonderful because He's there even when shit happends but for no apperent reason He takes it away at the most crucial moment. Hrmmm...

So why do we go to church? What is there in it for? Going to church now is like because I have been going all my freaking life and became like a habbit. There will be a nagging feeling if I don't go. It's like smoking becomes a habbit and if you don't smoke you feel bad. It would also dissapoint many people and especially my parents if I don't go. I mean there is so many churches, so many different practises, so many differnet ideas, and most of all so many grey areas. So who is right and who is wrong? Probrably its because of my christian upbringing that I still have this nagging feeling that prayer works and there is a God and my life is in God's hands. But its like super superficial anyway.

One of the fruits of the Spirit is patience. Patience is a very big word to take in. So does it mean when people is climbing all over us we have to be patient and just let it be? Should we go like 'God bless you' when someone screw us up for no apperent reason? I mean if christians should be patient and self-controlled, we should not participate in anything competative. Why participate in competative sports? Why participate in tournaments and quizzes? For example, like in a football game the refferee sucks, you complain about his decision but your elders just tell you to let it go. Let the decision go because were all christians playing among each other. So its ok even if we practised like shit and go lose unfairly. To top things up your church members and elders are even cheering for the opposition when you're team is losing. So I mean why practise so hard? Why train so hard for sports and quizzes to lose unfairly? Even your own elders don't stand up for you. Waste so much time preparing for a stupid quiz and when you lose unfairly you elders just keep quiet and let it be, just because 'its the christian way', 'we should be kind', 'we should not fight back'...blar blar blar...arghh....